NSC* Celebrity Interview: ÖTZI

By NotSoCrazy

Photo courtesy Livescience.com and The Bridges Family Archive

From LiveScience.com:

Ötzi, the 5,300-year-old mummy from the Alps, has a new face. Using a combination of forensic science and artistry, Dutch brothers Adrie and Alfons Kennis reconstructed his face for a new exhibit at the museum where his remains are housed, the South Tyrol Museum of Archaeology in Italy. 

The new face and hair have opened up countless offers and possibilities in Ötzi’s reemerging film career. At a small back table, Ötzi took the time in his busy schedule and granted Wicked Theory an exclusive interview at renowned Trou Dans Le Mur.

WT: Thanks for taking the time, Ötzi. Have to ask you right out of the gate. What do you attribute your 5,300 year survival to?
Ötzi: You know. I came out of the early man generation. Hunter gatherers. We trekked around. Had a great run, but we were erect. I think that really paid off in our favor.

WT: So you attribute your vitality to 5,300 years of erection?
Ötzi: Absolutely!

WT: I know you have been off and on, out of the mainstream, what do you have coming down the pike?
Ötzi: I am taking on projects as I see they fit into my acting method. Right now, I am in the middle of a very interesting shoot, a film called R.I.P.D. [paparazzi proof] based on the comic of the same name. I play a deceased cop who joins an undead police unit looking for his murderer.

WT: So another zombie movie to join the flood of zombie movies that are spreading like wildfire?
Ötzi: I really don’t see this as just another zombie movie. It is based on a comic book as well, and no one is doing that right now.

WT: What do you think you bring to the character? A side of Ötzi we may have not seen before?
Ötzi: I had to do quite a bit of research and catching up with what is popular these days since I am 5,300 years old. Thanks to you guys at Wicked Theory, I was able to get info and capture what I think the young generation is feeling.

WT: That is a stunning endorsement, Ötzi. We're quite flattered. So you looked everything over and caught up. Must have taken a long time with all of the quality, up-to-the-moment news and teasers we have?
Ötzi: Actually, I was only on your site for about two minutes. I did a search for “wicked teasers” and clicked on the wrong link and ended up at your weirdo site. I was actually looking for porn previews from Wicked Pictures. This information superhighway can be confusing... I think someone needs to map it all out.

WT: Speaking about information superhighway and confusing... TRON: Legacy?
Ötzi: I won’t apologize again. In doing the project, we tried to smooth things over with the three people who liked the first movie. Probably would have made everyone happier if we just split the $300 million between them all.

WT: Parting thoughts. What’s rolling around in your head?
Ötzi: I’ve got brain on the brain. I'm in development on a follow-up to a sequel to “The Big Lebowski”. It is a zombie adaptation called “The Big Undead Lebowski”. Something purely for the fans as they have re-animated my career.

You heard it here first, a fabled Lebowski sequel-sequel. We here at Wicked Theory wish you a great run, Ötzi. Looks like the right surgeon does pay off in Hollywood these days.

Perhaps Ötzi's life story should be taken as advice guys with ED. If you get that erection lasting more than 4 hours, roll with it. You just might have a 5,300 year streak in your future.

*NSC may or not mean: NotSoCrazy, Never So Clever, Not So Close or Neanderthal Sighting Confirmed

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