The Dumbest LOGO Since SyFy?

By Bill Sweeney

Take a good look at this logo and make some rash judgements and formulate your own opinions before I heap mine upon you...

What does that say? Is it clear? What is the company or brand it represents? What does it say/imply about the brand?

There are so many things wrong with this (and the accompanying announcement) that I can't contain myself...

A Master Plan For The Future Of THE BATMAN Movie Franchise. For Free.

Y'know, if Warner Brothers likes free stuff...

Now that Christopher Nolan's reign of Gotham is complete, the question that's already been lying on the table is "What's next for Bruce and the Cowl?" because, as The Amazing Sider-Man reboot has shown, starting over is a sticky wicket.

But I have a solution that I'm offering free of charge to those Powers That Be should they choose to take advantage of my idea...

The AMAZING SPIDER-MAN (fan assembled) 25min PREVIEW

The Amazing Spider-Man has a ton of officially released preview material. Hard to say if it's the most ever, but it's certainly quite a bit, and a week or so ago, a movie Superfan named SleepySkunk noticed. He was on Youtube, combing through all the 30 second comercials, trailers, international trailers, 1 minute commercials, talk show clips, long and short, and realized:

"Waitaminute. There's so much material, I bet I could actually string this all together and get most of the movie."

He did it. He was right. And now there's hard proof that studio's are telling us way too much. The quality jumps a bit considering the sources and I guess it gets Spoilerish too... Hey, take a look for yourself...

MEMEPOOL is BACK!

In the future, when I'm only alive because of a government approved, Kickstarter funded, medical insurance lottery, some snappy young kid will tug my sleeve and ask me "Bill, what was your Favorite Website before the goverment sold the internet to China to clear our debt?" And I'll say "What?" But my hearing will be fine (thanks to my iHear Ocular Mac from Apple), I'll say that because I'll be old, cranky and mean... and he's always bothering me.

Then I'll tell him, "Memepool.com, now go away!" He'll ask me why and I'll say "Because I hate kids. Grrrr..." and he'll say "No, no, I mean why was that site so special?"

I'll sigh. He could never understand...

"It was random. It was simple... Clean. It was beautiful. It was like someone was out there, scouting the vastness of the wastelands of the interwebs for you. Doing reconnaissance and reporting back about the things to be found out there, both useful and useless. It was a trove of categorized links that led to wonders, weirdness, and "What The fuck"'s. It was a great influence on me and inspired certain aspects of my empire of mediocrity.

"And then it stopped. The site stayed up, but whoever ran it just stopped updating. I speculated many scenarios. Time passed, the internet changed in many ways. Then four, very long years later, it came back. And it stayed exactly the same, uncluttered and unconsidered... and it was glorious, kid."

Welcome back Memepool. Don't change.
And please don't leave me again. It would make me a liar to that kid.

~Bill

Uninspired: A Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo Review/Rant

By TangoMega




Certain gaming conversations come up over and over again, I've tried to put them to bed, but now I've been forced to find a platform so I can shout this from the rooftops in hopes of someone who can answer after reading it:

What the in the bloody blue fuck is wrong with SquareEnix?

It takes more than just good looks, Honey. Cloud... Lightning... whoever.

I don't think I'm out of line to ask this question. I don't think I'd be out of line to suggest that the company might be run by monkeys. Nothing they do anymore seems to make a lick of sense.

This whole rant has been sparked by the release of the Final Fantasy XIII-2 Demo. The last midnight release of a game I went to was for Final Fantasy XIII, I was very excited to finally have an FF on the 360, so I pre-ordered, stood in line, enjoyed talking with other fans about the other Final Fantasy games, then rushed home to play. It was all downhill from there.

It's the Prince of Persi-- oops. Wrong game.

13 hours later, as I was being pummeled by a mini-boss whom my dipshit whiny companion Hope was healing with lightning spells, I wondered how the hell they'd managed to go backwards and create a game that was unwieldy, linear, uninspired, confusing, and simply not fun? I know they try to reinvent themselves every release, but this was a steaming pile of code. It was pretty poo. Well, I have a favorite saying: syrup on shit does not a pancake make.

I read reviews on it and there were many that felt the same as I did. There were those that liked it, but they seemed to all be kids who had no idea of the legacy of the game. In this case, ignorance certainly seems to be bliss. If you have no idea of what a Final Fantasy is supposed to be like, I'm sure that this might seem to be “good”... somehow... I guess...

Aw, who the fuck am I kidding? It's not a good game. It was hours of pressing the 'A' Button, over, and over, and over again. Who does this?

Oh, that's right... monkeys.

New York City really went to shit after Mayor Trump took office.

So maybe nobody over at SquareEnix has a clue about this thing called the Internet. If they did, they might have an idea of how this game they released is universally loathed. I don't know how that's possible, seeing as how they have an MMO that is equally abysmal and people won't even play it for free (my best friend told me he played for 3 hours and couldn't figure out how to take missions). It's like they are trying to make every game come complete with a new type of FAIL.

So back to the demo. I played it. It's not nearly the disaster of the first game, but really, that's not the point. Nobody wanted to see a do-over of XIII. There were no calls to see this game again. There is, however, a Facebook group begging for a redo of Final Fantasy VII... but do they seem like they are moving in this direction? Not in the least... Primates. It's gotta be a bunch of chimps with Magic 8-Balls running things there.

Lady DoveKiller is a real meanie.

Japan has always danced to the beat of their own drummer, and once upon a time that was a good thing. There's a lot of talented game designers out there. BioWare, RockSteady, Bethesda... in the RPG world, it's a great time to be a gamer. I haven't even mentioned the new company 38 Studios (owned by Curt "Bloody Sock World Series" Schilling) and the impending release of what I think is going to be a sleeper hit, Kingdoms Of Amalur. With Todd McFarlane doing the designs, R.A. Salvatore doing the story, and Todd Ralston (of Elder Scrolls) as the producer, this is a design Dream Team. This game, simply put, looks bad-ass. Taking a page from BioWare in continuity, there is speculation that they will be building an MMO. So check it: They give you a sandbox to build your character, then they are the first to bring MMO to console. This is ambitious territory, yet it's nothing that I said shouldn't happen. I thought DC Universe was going to be that game for a bit, but Sony Online can ruin anything good... (Galaxies, anyone?)

So with this level of talent out there essentially providing the gaming experience you once had, doing a sequel to a game that wasn't well-received is just so counter-intuitive. Nintendo is all about keeping a franchise in your face until you love it again, but SquareEnix acts like there's some kind of curse on FFVII.

Doesn't matter. With this game, house wins, you loose.

I want to mention two places where I thought SquareEnix did something good so it just doesn't come off as a hater-rade (hater tirade), their work on “Final Flight Of The Osiris” and “Advent Children” was absolutely amazing, but somehow they don't make the connection that Advent's acceptance equals interest in a FFVII game. Really? REALLY?!

So if I haven't made my feelings clear, I am underwhelmed by Final Fantasy XIII-2. No way I buy this with everything else coming out around it. I'd rather have Resident Evil Raccoon City than this. Or even Need for Speed: The Run. The Paradigm Shift seems like an ADD Battle Experience with God Of War cinematic button-pressing. Very uninspired. If Deus Ex isn't up to par, I will give up on the SquareEnix brand altogether.

-ere'bodee's favorite mega, blogninja

Follow me @ http://twitter.com/tangomega

The Top 10 Best "2011 Top 10 Best" Lists of 2011

We recieved this over the Tele-Fax at 3am:

"The following is as per the Internet Compliance Regulations Agreement, Section 8a, subsection G. You are hereby officially notified:
As an operating internet entity, website, domain or blog, it is such entities obligation to compile an End Of Year List, with no less the ten(10) entries, at least once every five (5) years in order to maintain an orderly and harmonious universe. Failure to do so would be very uncool."

How can we argue with that?
Now we understand why every one does these things. We thought long and hard on how to do a list no one else is doing and came up with the old List O' Lists angle. While we know it's probably not too original, we figure it's... "less done" than other lists. Here now, for you and you alone (unless you tell a friend) is our 1st annual...

Top 10 Best "2011 Top 10 Best" Lists of 2011

10.  The lowest position goes to ANY of the End-Of-Year-Lists (EOYL) posted on EntertainmentWeekly.com that suffers the notorious "Every-Enrtry-Has-A-Page-Because-We-Want-Click-Throughs" syndrome (a plague on wired.com and many other sites as well). As an example (and because we will use it as a comparison later) check out their "25 Best Movie Posters of 2011".  These kinds of set-ups force click-throughs for only a few sentences of content per new page.  It's can feel like little return. Why do we have it on our list at all? How else could we make this point if we didn't list it, and besides, there is a lot of GOOD stuff there. A list for everything (worst dressed character?). We love their content - we really do - we just don't like how they present some of it. Their "Best & Worst 2011" videos, i.e. Best TV Gross-Outs,  are very much worth checking out (but many of those were split into two to milk them, ughh) so we'll link to that:
http://www.ew.com/ew/package/0,,20326356,00.html

9. Wired gave you the "10 Most Hated Movies of 2011" but right in the link code it's referred to as "Movies We Hated". So which is it? Do you speak for everyone or just yourselves? Regardless, it's  echoing a lot of talking points you may have already heard or even said yourself. (Also suffers a touch of "We-Want-Click-Throughs" syndrome)
http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/12/movies-we-hated-2011/?pid=5814

8.  "We-Want-Click-Throughs" syndrome rages on, but Wired's POP CULTURES Best Of 2011 makes up for it by being good. We like this one because it covers many forms of entertainment, from Tom Waits to Game of Thrones to Doctor Who.
http://www.wired.com/underwire/2011/12/best-of-2011-pop-culture/

7. Look at this! Something other than Pop Culture?  Doppelganger-Earth, Higgs Bosson, 7 billion people: all made Wired's Top Scientific Discoveries of 2011: 
http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2011/12/top-discoveries-2011/

6.  Claim shenanigans all you want - our number five Best Of The 2011 "Best Lists" is... THIS! (Again we apologize for the whole Julia D. scandal)

5. The best Mixtapes of the year listed on Wired.com? That's cool/odd enough to warrant an entry on that alone, but the list is pretty damn good too!
www.wired.com/underwire/2011/12/best-mixtapes-of-2011/?pid=5722

4. Here's something different. It's a comparison of "The Best Reviewed Films Of 2011 Vs. The Most Pirated" and it's a very informative list. To us it seems the torrents love the stuff that's exactly in their demo. The funny part is the similarities between the lists....
http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/12/28/best-reviewed-films-of-2011/

3. Now this is how to present "The Best Movie Posters Of 2011". Pay attention to the differences between this list and the one from Entertainment Weekly and I don't mean the choices, either. Note: the posters are larger and in proper scale. Note: you will click 24 times less. Note: you are more  likely to read the comments. And, yes, it is a better list of posters too:
http://badassdigest.com/2011/12/27/reelizer-presents-the-top-ten-movie-posters-of-2011-official-one-sheets/

2. Know Your Meme: Best of 2011 - The video explains many internet meme trends that arrived this year, confusing anyone who came into it three minutes late.



1. The Annual 50 best websites of 2011 by Time Magazine. They post not only this years list but supply links to previous years. Their main page does indeed suffer from "We-Want-Click-Throughs" syndrome, but are you really going to sift through FIFTY sites that way? Nope. Because they were nice enough to make a short list:
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/completelist/0,29569,2087815,00.html

WTF Political Announcement Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

By BillBlogins

When Notsocrazy asked me to be his running mate I immediately said yes because I had just woken up and wasn't really paying attention. After about three hours of meetings, I realized it was not what I thought it was at all. We hadn't done any exercise, let alone any running or jogging. It was explained to me again, so I did an S4 (some serious soul searching).  I concluded that since political  experience is really no longer an issue these days, I have as much right to run for office as, say, a guy who's biggest credential is running a chain of Pizzerias.

So Notsocrazy and I spent a weekend in a Lakota Sweat Lodge to hash out our ideas, beliefs and opinions. When we emerged, we had agreed on many points. On Wednesday he presented his list, today I present mine.
Protect our future:
The time has come for serious Bi-Partisan regulation against the immoral, temporal abuses of Time Travel. Far too many good deeds have gone undone, just to be redone, sometimes even un-redone, only to be done-done as if nothing ever happened in the first place. It has to stop. My head hurts.
One way we propose to start is with The Skynet Prevention Act. As the name implies, this legislation would prevent Cyberdyne and or Skynet from ever existing. Firstly, those two names would not be available for copyright, trademark, patent or, most importantly, incorporation. Secondly, we round up every woman named Sarah Conner, all ages, and keep and eye on them. The naysayers will scoff now, but after Facebook, Amazon, Apple and Google merge into one entity, and everyone's in tunnels hiding from T-800's and Hunterkiller's, is that when they'll want to get pro-active?

Returns On Investment:
The White house is too damn big. We can do more with that place. Rent out some rooms. Maybe even sell off some of the property. That's prime real estate and we could use the funding. Besides, the President should be living someplace that looks safe. The pentagon seems fortified with vitamins and minerals by comparison.

Government really seems to love big business, so why don't we pay down the debt by selling some National Monuments to Disney. They've proven to be excellent property managers. Besides, isn't it time the Lincoln Memorial could talk? They could put Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy on the other side of Mount Rushmore so there's something else to see in East Dakota.

No Safe Haven:
If you turn on your television, you'll notice two growing trends: Occupy Wall Street and Zombie Hoards. You'll also notice that these groups are getting harder to tell apart. The Zombies are everywhere you turn these days and there is a growing sentiment that maybe these undead can be "saved". These people call themselves "Savers". We blame  Joss Whedon and those Vampire loving Twilight kids for this. The Friendly/Lovable Vampire trend started with Angel and Buffy and quickly grew out of control with these trendy new shimmery "day-light" vamps. It seems women have forgotten that a Vampires main ability is to mentally enthrall you until you love them. When you think about it, it's more like Stockholm Syndrome than forbidden love.  Recently, the "Savers" acceptance of the undead has looked past the desire for clear skin and marginal oral hygiene and has grown to include the rotted flesh of Zombies. And you'll need to look no further than to upcoming episodes of AMC's Documentary series The Walking Dead for proof. We may know what's in Herschel's Barn… but wait until you learn WHY. 

For these reasons and more, we seek to create a government body to deal with the Undead legions and simultaneously educate the public of the very real dangers involved with getting to "know" them. We would appoint The RZA to the head of the newly formed HZA (Homeland Zombie Affairs) Division. Yes another new agency, because Fringe and X-Files  aren't really moving on this.

Pay Up Or Shut Up:
A different way to "collect" instead of raising taxes, but beware, this may be far too "Real" for some constituents.
It's time to start holding thieving Public Officials truly accountable. For too long they have received only a slap on the wrist for what amounts to a betrayal of not only the public trust, but also the oath they took  and the very office they were given. This country is in a economic rabblepot with a skagillion dollar debt and there are are those out there who would seek to pick its pockets. It is tantamount to stabbing your country in it's proverbial back. McCarthy never saw anything this Un-American. Therefore, we plan to introduced The "Honesty Referendum", a bill that will make any theft of services or public/taxpayer funds by a public official, of any stature, considered a treasonous act. For anyone in congress or higher, it's the firing squad. Anyone below, just life in prison. For both it's also the immediate forfeiture and or reimbursement of any and all monies, benefits, and entitlements ever earned or acquired by themselves and spouse while in office, as well as all property and personal assets held by themselves and spouse. It's harsh, but justified. We offer up a brief "no questions asked" amnesty period at the onset, just to give our Glorious Leaders a chance to avoid "prison love". After the line forms and we get them on pay-back plans, a special Justice Department Tribunal will hunt down and ferret out all remaining thieves. How could anyone say no to this idea? The non-guilty should have no fears. To paraphrase G.W.Bush: "If you're not for this bill, you're against it… And that means you're a thief."

By laying out the bulk of our platform, Notsocrazy and I have covered every single conceivable issue facing our country. Probably. Maybe. Well,  I'm sure new ideas will come along, and some of these may change, as we begin our conversation with America. With YOU the PEOPLE. Check back here often, as we'll be checking in from the campaign trail off and on.

Follow me on the Twitter: @wickedtheory

I'm Bill Blogins and I approve his message... because I wrote it.

Why THE PUNISHER on FOX is NOT the BEST idea

"Hey. does this smell funny?"

To bring you up to speed: FOX has given the order for a Put Pilot based on THE PUNISHER, aka Frank Castle, the Marvel Comics gun happy ex-Vet vigilantecreated during the Dirty Harry era. He's had three movie adaptions, none of which shook the earth very much, registering only a collective "Meh" on the Richter scale of Hollywood. In the proposed new TV show, Frank will be a COP by day and a vigilante by night, helping those he finds within the court system who have been wronged or for whom justice has fallen short. Part procedural - Part Death Wish.

Devin over at BadAssDigest makes good points about the concept and I share his sentiment. But I'm more bothered. It's not a secret that Hollywood has had a hard time getting a good grip on him and now network TV wants to give it a whirl.

This is Not The Best Idea. It's good. It's just not the best. I know that these wheels are in motion, so it becomes almost moot to go on about the four broad problems I have with this… but I will.

1) The new series immediately sets up a lot of "easy outs" for the very challenges the character presents when transitioning him to TV.

The Punisher is fairly moody loner (hard to be social, make friends and/or have a possible love interest when you're hidden away in the sub-basement of an abandoned warehouse) and at his core, he is not a nice guy. He's a homicidal vigilante who hunts drug dealers, mobsters and such with exacting finality. He kills. He kills to cleanse the world and (according to some) somehow, deep down, repent.

"I really wish you'd told me your trick to get out bloodstains...."

The challenge would be to make us care about him anyway. Sopranos, Dexter, Breaking Bad, The Shield. Those shows, all found their way of making us care - of pulling us into the lives - of otherwise reprehensible people.

All those shows are on cable. The Punisher, as is, isn't built for 9pm Network primetime spotlight. Network TV heroes, to a degree, need to be rather "Likable". That's justifiable and understandable. So, if The Punisher can't do the job, maybe Police Officer Frank Castle can fit that bill.

2) And with that shift, it changes TOO MUCH and becomes a whole other thing.

Look, if you're just taking something and twisting into something else, why not just call it something else? Make it a new show. Create a NEW brand. Why twist an existing property just to shoe horn adversaries and weekly protagonists in more easily. This new show isn't The Punisher, it's "The Officer Frank Castle Show".

Frank with the only friends he needs.

Conceivably, Police Officer Frank Castle could now have a quirky partner. Perhaps now, he doesn't have to bee SoO cold blooded. Officer Frank could have a sassy and or corrupt police chief to answer to. Officer Frank could secretly work in tandem with a spicy District Attorney potential love interest (that will likey meet an untimely end to remind the viewer A) this guys is involved in nasty stuff and B) hey, we're edgy and C) we can't have Officer Frank be tied down or this becomes MOONLIGHTING).

It's like making BATMAN a LAWYER or putting STAR TREK UNDERWATER.

Interesting IDEAS but ultimately… something else entirely.

Officer Frank helps people and in the process puts bad guys away. The Punisher meticulously exterminates entire drug cartels.

One by One. By himself. Sounds original to me.

The title to this article is wrong. Maybe it should read "Why making The Punisher a 9-5 Cop isn't the best idea", because that's the issue.

3)This new character dynamic also means a lot to other aspects as well.

How does he keep his identity a secret? He'll have to kill every bad guy who sees his face. Will he have to wear a mask now? A scarf and hat? (Oh wait, that's somebody else.) His wife, daughter and son were killed in broad daylight, I assume there'll be changes to that.

Cop by DAY, The Punisher by NIGHT? Silly. When does he sleep? I guess he's the only city cop not interested in overtime? Wouldn't they be watching him like a hawk after losing his family?

4) Lastly and possibly the least original part of all this. This show concept (as described) has the format of almost any male demographic TV show from the 70's/80's.

BJ owened and "operated" the monkey too.

"Hero helps people who are beyond help via normal channels and need someone outside the norm or outside the law completely." Seen that. The A-Team, The Incredible Hulk, The Equalizer, Stingray, The Six million Dollar Man, The Bionic Woman, Knight Rider, Street Hawk, BJ And The Bear, Highway to Heaven, etc. And you know what the those shows also had in common? Zero character growth. All the stories were about other people, strangers who came and went but afterwards were somehow better off.

Who knows, this show might have plans to play this angle better than those other shows…. but why bother? It's not new, fresh or different. It's become a predictable trope. The "weekly person with a problem" concept is as "easy out" as it is tired and stale. The legal procedural, in general, has hit the saturation point in it's own right.

Perhaps Devin is right, (he has been before) and maybe all this is a YEAR ONE type arrangement, that could help - if that means one day he'll go underground. Which is cool… but …Then the show would just become what the concept was originally. So why not just do it right the first time?

And BTW, I don't in any way see The Punisher as some awesome sacred cow character concept to be saved from the hands of creative tweaking. I recognize that he's a relatively flat idea and that, yes, such characters are a real challenge. But is this facing that challenge? Because, you don't beat a game by changing the rules (well, unless you're Kirk).

Disney owns both ABC and Marvel now, so ABC had first crack at this and passed, likely because it didn't "fit" there. FOX scooped it right up. Better. But not perfect. Look, NBC once passed on THE SOPRANOS and we're better off for it. What a different show that would have been, right? This is kinda the opposite. FOX should shift this to FX, which is dying for something like this anyway, and reformat it to better reflect the original character.

A BETTER IDEA.... (possibly)

Worst die-cut cover ever.

There is a structure that fans have been asking for, or talking about for some time. I know this because I've had it in my head and spoken to others about it. It's like a vision we all share. I'll shape it up a little, but almost always, it goes something like this:

"Punisher War Journal"
Move the show to F/X (in a perfect world, pay cable, really), only eight to twelve episodes per run, and do it right. Ditch the police angle. Avoid all potential silliness (i.e. Jigsaw). A Year One approach, where we follow his simultaneous decent and rise.

First arc, the show is about taking down small bad guy after bad guy, working his way up, and through, an illegal organization, but eventually realizes he has to step it up to take down the big dogs. Second arc, more like WISEGUY, take the first issues from Marvel's series Punisher War Zone, where frank goes undercover to infiltrate a "family" and we follow as he systematically destroys them from within.
Strive to realistically depict how one man would do this. The behind the scenes work, research, planning his tactical assaults. The multi or mini arc format can be used to constantly change the "Big Bad", within seasons, to keep things from being too stale.

"I don't think I'm doing this right...."

Throughout all this: Frank has one main friend, Microchip, a tech and weapons assistant who comes and goes - but never on missions. Micro is always a bit concerned about Franks well being. Frank doesn't talk much but The Punisher makes these tapes, War Journals, he calls them. That would be the voice-over to slip us into his head, plans, motivations, his fears, regrets, mistakes. Frank Castle is a trained, methodical, ex-military specialist and war Vet. Show that. Put his pain in a bigger context.

Ultimately the show I describe would seek to answer: How long can one man wage a prolific, homicidal little war of vengeful justice, before he snaps?

The NSC* Report: Giorgio Boards The Mothership

By NotSoCrazy

"...then I gather the mousse and gel into a ball..."

The scientific community of non-scientists is aghast.
Self-proclaimed non-scientist Giorgio Tsoukalos is calling it quits after his latest discovery in the realm of broad sweeping generalizations.

His Theory of Absolute Distransivity, which states, “You can get from Point A to Point B by proving the non-existence of Point C”, was confirmed after a lifetime of research revealed undeniable confirmation. In the ground breaking experiment, Tsoukalos reveals that the lack of any solid proof of the existence of the Easter Bunny, beyond a shadow of doubt, confirms the existence of the Easter Beagle.

When asked where his Bachelor's degree in Sports Information Communications would take him next, Tsoukalos commented:
“You know, I don’t really know. I am thinking of focusing my talents on creating a revolutionary line of semi-permanent hair care products.”


*NSC may stand for NotSoCorrect, NotSoComedy, NotSoCurrent, NotSoClear or perhaps, NotSoCrunchy.

G.I.JOE: Post Apocalypse

As boy growing up in the 80's, I knew one thing as fact...
G.I.Joe was the super-shizitz.
The Marvel G.I.Joe comic books were the first comics I actually read and they were so much cooler than the cartoon. They didn't talk down to me like the show did and the stories flowed more or less like one long soap opera of Secrets, Ninjas, Fake Deaths, Covert Ops and Doppelgangers.

So as a forward-thinking little kid, the problem for me was that the TV show and the comic book had all these background characters and Grunts and troopers running around. There were also incidental characters like politicians, civilians, Army brass. There were bases and secret hideouts…
But the toys gave you none of that.
Those stories took place in a real-ish world populated by real-ish people and all you had were the figures you had. Just those particular characters. My toy-world had no background extras. One day, playing with my figures,I realized this and I wondered why this might be… it turned out easier to explain than you'd think.

I decided there had been a nuclear-ish Armageddon, you see…

And only these Joes and Cobras had survived because, you know, they had been injected with a "special serum". The Joes had been inoculated a long time ago and when Cobra found out they stole the formula, copied it and used it. Presumably, right before the big boom. The world now was a near future, Mad Maxian wasteland of survivor packs, small clans protecting fuel and random freaks of nature from other toy-lines that could now be re-branded and intermingle with the Joes in a CONTEXTUAL fashion. Of course Fisto from Masters Of The Universe could join in! Here, in this Hasbropocalypse, he was a highly irradiated dunce powerhouse, called Dimwit! The Dreadnoks welcomed him open arms! By the way, can I mention how Fashion-Foward the 'Noks Were for this? They came designed as little Road Warriors already!

When I would get new figures, they would be discovered or rescued by whichever Pack he looked coolest with. I didn't have a G.I.Joe base but that didn't matter because they found a castle that unearthed itself in the desert. It's front, a giant Grey Skull. A massive thing to behold to behold, I'm sure, especially if you are three eights scale. But it was an evil place in this world. The Joes couldn't stay and eventually Serpentor took it over.

I Think.

It was an ever expanding universe. New stories, tales and revelations would occur in the TV series or comic and lay groundwork for something I could play off of - that stuff was documenting past history, after all...

Sooner or later, I figured out you could take them apart and reassemble them. Jackpot. Soon they all looked like the End Of Days version of themselves. Mixed and matched, they were my own custom toy line. But alas, some figures had no "cool" parts to swap. Most often, the Joes had this issue. I mean, in a dying world like this, who wants Chuckles' Hawaiian shirt? Shipwreck's bell-bottoms?

Sadly, sometimes these were the first victims to suffer "Radiation Poisoning".

It turns out that for certain heroes or villains, after a while, the Serum wouldn't hold and they would develop horrible lesions. This entailed taking one of your mom's cigarette lighters and putting the flame justclose enough to the plastic to make it bubble and blister, but not burn too much. Poor Raptor. A shame you ended up as my equivalent to the Trashcan Man, but you were kind of lame and sacrifices had to be made.

Did I read a lot and watch too many post-apocalypse, wanna be Thunderdome movies of the 80's? Yooouu betcha. But I can't imagine that I was the only kid who came up with outlandish backstories for his toys. Or maybe I was.

Eventually all I had were these figures stashed away in a box. Not long after I first moved out of my parents house, I got a call one day my mother. She told me she had given them all to my young cousin. I was a little miffed at first, she hadn't asked, but then thought it didn't really matter, at least someone was playing with them.
I can only imagine when he opened the box…

"What the hell happen to these guys?"

Obvious Observation: Rosetta Stone Ads

TV ads should display the effectiveness of the product whenever possible - it helps sales. For instance, in a car commercial the car zooms around, showing of its style, control and speed. In a Swifter ad, we see the Just-Above-Average-Looking housewife cleaning (an already spotless) kitchen floor. Infomercials do nothing but show you the product in action. Relentlessly.
Rosetta Stone doesn't do that. They show people using the software but we never hear them speak this new language. We don't doubt the validity of their celebrity endorsements - you can watch Olympic Fish-boy, Michael Phelps, learn some Mandarin RIGHT HERE - we just think it would show off the product better. It seems like an obvious method to display its effectiveness.

Losing LOST

As you may or may not know, Lost is the Number One TV show among the staff of Wicked Theory Laboratories Internationale, and it's coming to an end. And the future of TV looks bleak without it.

It's hard to say if another show will ever be devoured quite like it. By that I mean the ravenous dissection via repeat viewing that occurs when one becomes more than just a passing fan. Is that you? Do you remember looking up online screen-captures of the infamously mysterious Blast Door Map the day after it appeared? Did you re-watch episodes online as soon as they were up, searching for clues and nuggets of understanding? Did you trade theories at work with people you don't normally talk to? Do you think another show can ever do that again? Can another show ever give you reason enough?

All shows have their diehards. The fan who watches the exploits of their favorite on the net. Buys the DVD sets and a t-shirt. Maybe goes to a Show related convention, maybe dresses up as the villain from season three and gets an autograph from the shows coolest actors. For Lost, the fans might watch an episode like "The Constant" multiple times hunting for answers, but they buy the boxed sets to poor over them for even more understanding. The main pursuit here is for clarity. That's why they watch and rewatch: to solve the mysteries. A diehard fan of ColdCase or Buffy or ER or whatever show you like, rewatches an episode and relives a witty line of dialogue, a cool scene, a snarky guest star. By contrast a lost fan is on assignment. There is a task at hand.

Work to be done.

Peel back the layers. Analyze the innuendo laden speeches, the manipulations and half-truths. Decipher the grand plan that seems to be right there, just below the surface. For Lost fans it's all about figuring out the larger, true context of the series. The Mythos itself is the big draw. More than Kate's awesome butt or a wet, shirtless Sawyer.

Proof of this is in the fact that the show's main producers may very well be, in a sense, bigger icons to the Lost fans than the actors. Just ask a Lost fan if they'd rather spend an hour with Matthew Fox discussing Jack's inner demons, or a mere 60 seconds picking Carlton Cuse's brain for revelations.

Shows from the genre classics like The X-Files, Battlestar, Twin Peaks, The Prisoner on down to the scads of lesser faring shows like Threshold, Daybreak, Nowhere Man, etc., have only waded in waters which Lost chose to depth dive. Headfirst. These are dangerous waters to navigate and most shows break down when the mysteries are brought into the light. The raft of logic begins to come apart and soon, the secrets become almost meaningless.

So can another show one day come along and tap into this? Create a zeitgeist or fan fervor on par or greater than the one created by this crazy show? A show that seemed at first to be about some beautiful plane crash survivors (who lost their luggage but not their baggage) and in the end might just be really all about two characters not introduced until the end of season five. The answer is yes. Probably. It might be a while, but it could happen. There is hope for television that challenges you to think. To remember previous episodes. To try to solve the End-Game. That asks you to consider moral, philosophical and even religious questions.

The chances seem slim, but it could happen.

New "genre" shows will come along, that's for sure - but a show that engages you, that forces you to pay attention, to LISTEN... well, they're few and far between. Always have been. Heavy doses of subtext don't go over well on American TV. Case in point, the finale to The Sopranos.

(SPOILERS AHEAD for anyone who hasn't seen that yet.) It was always a show about subtext, and many fans didn't get it when the finale handed them even more. That ending was all about making you feel as paranoid as Tony must feel at all times. And that despite that very justified paranoia, his life must roll on. Dinner with the family as usual, at a little diner. Despite the fact that his daughter is late. Despite the shifty guy at the counter who might or might not be a hit-man waiting to pounce. Despite that his wife is a pain in the ass. Order the food without daughter Meadow? Yes, because life moves on. Where is his daughter? Oh, she's having trouble parking? Will somebody whack her? She makes it inside safely. Cut to black. Life moves on.
(END Spoilers)

Point being that much like LOST, it was a show that used subtext and very well at that. Lost uses it mostly for obfuscation. (That's a word I learnt from X-Files!)

So when Lost ends there will be a void that FlashFoward and V and Chuck and Heroes just wont fill. Right now I fill that void in the days between episodes of Lost by trolling awesome sites like DarkUFO and Lostpedia - but, eventually it won't be enough. Soon, they'll be no Lost left.

I may have to load season one in the machine on that cold Monday after The End and start over. Actually, that sounds good. Maybe it won't have to end.

1930's Style Political Correctness.... (and a rant)

Back in the good old days ( y'know, waaaay back before they invented cancer--when even a pregnant woman could suck down a Chesterfield or two--and even before people started regularly using soap), the Van Beuren Studios released this John Foster directed, animated charmer. Featuring a "Tom and Jerry" not of the cat and mouse hi-jinks, but who are instead two averagely buffoonish cartoon characters who are just "PLANE DUMB" on a non-stop trip to Africa.

Need I say any more to set this up?



Umm..... am I supposed to comment here?

This is a relic of a, thankfully, bygone era that is considered by so many to be a "simpler time". When America was a bristling place of opportunity and equality. When God and Country were all that mattered.

Interestingly enough, the ideals and morals of both God and Country, so highly cherished and regarded, have actually never seemed too carry much weight with American mass culture. Ever. For all the talk of change, for all the laws and rules we've made governing our behavior, we still do stupid things. Hypocritical things. Racist things.

We like to think this country is brimming with integrity, meaning: we stick buy what we say is our moral compass by backing it up with actions that reflect it.

But in many ways we don't, and we haven't in a long time, if ever. In the 70 odd years since that cartoon was made, we haven't moved away from that kind of thinking, far enough or fast enough, as we should have by now.

Shame.

Lost: Let's start killing people, okay?

One of the hopes I had for LOST back when it started, was that it was going to be a show that wasn't afraid to kill people off. See, it's along standing belief I have that most action-oriented TV sucks because we all know that even if he's flat-line on a gurney, Jack Bauer is gonna live. We knew that Tony Soprano would never die at the beginning of a season. We're too savy for that shit. We've seen it all before.

So with Lost it seemed like maybe things would be different. I always thought that the characters would rotate out and the extras in the background would move up - a novel idea built right into the show concept. Except that never really happened. I got my hopes up every time it seemed like someone could go but I was usually let down. Sure, Boone. Right, they killed Boone, and I was thankful for that but other, more death-deserving castaways remained. I hear you out there, saying: What about Libby, Anna-Lucia, Artz, and Eko? Yes, they're dead - but they were secondaries. Charlie's (poorly executed) death was, I'm pretty sure, the last major role to get cut since season 1 or early into 2.

I'm not saying I want to see characters I like die (well, actually I am). But when you construct a world where the danger is really high, then the audience has to have a reason to believe it. Jack was originally supposed to die half-way through the pilot, which would have been a nice touch: no doctor, and Kate would have become the lead. I thought it was great idea and had been praying for his demise ever since. Part of me really hoped that Jack at some point would have sacrificed himself for his people. That at some point the series would kill off it's leading man, not because the actor "wanted out", but for once, because it would serve the STORY. I imagined a Lost with Jack gone, a martyr. All the other Losties (and the audience) living under a shadow. A true fear of death because anyone could go. Seemed compelling to me. But what do I know.

Let's just say I was a little disappointed at the end of the season 3 finale.

There are reports that deaths will start coming faster now that the creators know how long they have. Good. I hope it was an alternate timeline and Jack dies anyway.

Look, I love this show like I've loved no other. I've got all 3 seasons. I keep track of the ARGs. I watch the mobisodes. Lostpedia is in my bookmarks. I have membership at The Fuselage. So don't give me any crap that I don't know what I'm Talkin about.

Thursdays at 9, is the new slot for Lost and as you're probably aware, it comes back with only 8 episodes. The first night is a two-hour block and I figure that means only seven more will air after that.