11/16/2011

NSC* POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT

By NotSoCrazy

I try not to get political, but this has been building for a long time.
I can no longer stand idly by and watch our country continue on a road to ruin. Therefore, I, Notsocrazy, am throwing my hat into the arena and announcing my intention to put myself on the ballot and run for the office of the President of the United States as a member of the newly formed Wicked Theory Faction or the WTF** Party.

After an exhaustive search I found the perfect running mate, BillBlogins. He was sleeping under a back stairwell with a "blanket" he'd made with only a stapler and old copies of Entertainment Weekly. He will be bringing you the other half of our platform this Friday. Be here for that.

As we see it, a lot of the obvious problems our nation and the global economy faces are a lack of addressing the obvious issues. So after careful consideration and consultation, here is just some of the plan to start the healing:

• Create a tax base in the land that Blizzard created. The World of Warcraft cannot continue to operate unregulated using our precious resources of time and band width. Therefore, I support a progressive plan where your Death Knight would pay more than your level three Mage. Adopt a healthcare plan where everyone would have equal access to potions of healing. Activision is activism!

• Stop the free sharing of agricultural products across borders. This country cannot continue a path where our Farmville’s are “take anything you want”. Good Tariff's make good neighbors.

• Restore confidence in our own financial markets. As citizens of our country, we need to begin to take advantage of our postal system  The rate of return on “Forever” stamps is outweighing the return on stocks and bonds. We need to begin to trade these like commodities.

• Eliminate our military presence in foreign lands. If we have issues, we need to challenge those wrongdoers to meet us on the field of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Only two more servers would be needed, which would easily be offset by the cost of the billions we spend on overseas occupations.

• Go after those big businesses that send our jobs and resources out of our country. My staff has looked meticulously into the whole conspiracy. We need to crack down on the loophole towns that are not paying their fair share such as Johnsonville and the ranch at Hidden Valley.

• Use our resources wisely. When, as a Congress and country, we do come up with measures to heal the debt, run it a couple of times through a PC with The SIMS installed. See if it would really work. That is what it is there for.

• Feed our hungry by extending the deadlines on the Mc Donald’s Monopoly game. We could all use a free Quarter Pounder or small fries every once in a while.

I know this is only seven bullets, but the answers are very clear cut and it's only just the beginning.

So, people of United States and the world, get to your polling places. Ask them when you get there, "How do I vote for real change? Is the Wicked Theory Faction on the ballot? Or can I just write in WTF?"

I’m Notsocrazy, and I approve this message.

Read BillBlogins platform here.

*NSC may or may not mean: Not Some Communist, Neo Suave Campaign or Never Skipped Class. 
 **WTF may or may not mean: Where's The Freedom! Who's That Fred? or "Wagnalls, That's Funk."






5 comments:

  1. You got my vote!!!

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  2. "Expect us" might be the creepiest thing anyone has ever commented here.
    But then, we don't get a lot of comments either...

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  3. I think if you announce your candidacy for President, there're a bunch of laws and reporting requirement that suddenly apply to you. That's why that comedian stopped doing it -- remember Pat Paulsen? -- you probably aren't in danger but if this becomes well-known, it could be a problem.

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  4. Paulsen ran just about every election from '68 and last was '96. He stopped because, well, he died in '97.

    ReplyDelete