WTF Campaign Trail: Tired Just Thinking About It

By Notsocrazy
[Presented with FunTime Wicked-Links]

After much strategic analysis and complaining over how much gas money Bill should chip in (he says he only needs to kick in half since he's the Vice Presidential candidate), The Wicked Theory Faction is ready to hit the road East Coast style for the first leg of the campaign. Our goal in mind is to meet the people, learn their troubles, address their concerns, and eat as many free meals as possible.

So, we're packing the U-Haul as we speak, looking forward to shaking hands, kissing babies, and signing autographs on women’s cleavage. Our motto throughout this campaign: “Simple solutions for complex problems.”

•  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Talk WTF Party Unison
Long has there been a Cheese Steak division in the “City of Brotherly Love” between those who like Geno’s and those who like Pat’s. It time for us to unite on our common ground, we ALL love Cheese Steaks!


•  Hazzard County – Boar’s Nest
Speak to the 99%
Address the concerns of big banking and foreclosures. Talk Congressional districts as to where the Chickasaw County line actually lies. See how much action a guy named Cooter actually gets. Look into this "Medical Moonshine Proposition" that's brewing down there.


•  The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame – Cleveland – Parking lot
“Fight for your right to party”
We will be hanging out in the parking lot since to this point we have been overlooked for an invite, as many of the bands we love have. Still, we will celebrate the Beastie Boys induction and will be signing breasts on a special two-for-one deal.

•  Boston, Massachusetts - Boston Beer Company/Sam Adams
Simple Solutions
We will focus on one of our parties main rallying points of simple solutions. We all know that the Sam Adams line of brews are by no means simple solutions, but they were able to make a glass to make the beer taste better. Why can’t we make a glass to make the economy taste better? After a short speech, we will be spending the rest of the day touring and tasting.

•  Stop to pee.

•  Crime Alley, Gotham City
Rampant Vigilantism and Police Corruption
"The City That Wayne Built" needs a pressure washing. As many as seven known crime families and twelve major gangs operate there, plus perhaps four vigilantes. Things are broken and we aim to fix it. Okay, well, we're having trouble programing this one into the GPS, but we'll get there. When we do, we plan to stage our own "Occupy" gathering inside the famed "Crime Alley". 200 cranky, opinionated, civillians jammed into a narrow, block-long passage. Criminal scum at our backs and dirty cops at our front and The WTF Party in the middle.

•  Stop to pee. Damn you, Sam Adams.

•  Pass out.

If you know of any nice, clean rest stops along our route, please let us know. That is your assignment fellow members of the WTF. Send us photos and locations of places where you think we would feel safe to dropping our pants to take a load off and where minimal drug trafficking is happening. We need your support, and we need your help in making this a smooth campaign. And as always, if someone is trying to lay a political agenda on you that just doesn’t make sense, tell them WTF!

 Send your suggestions to: WTFcampaign@gmail.com