ALCATRAZ Recap: Webb Porter* (ep.11)

By Ruthie
*Or Music, the Savage Beast, and the Angry Recapper. Rarr.

So, Soto is stalking Hauser. Hauser, in a fit of being more interesting than I had given him credit for, finds himself in some sort of alternative medicine/ opium den/ massage parlor/ chiropractor. It inspires a flashback to young Hauser taking a stroll with Lucy. (What?! Did someone listen to my rant last week? Awesome!)
"This wall... It says... I'm too hot for prison. You should let me out."

The Warden introduces Lucy to a genius inmate who had to be separated from the genpop due to excessive craziness. It is, of course, the eponymous Webb Porter. He’s a serial killer whose mother tried to drown him in the bathtub as a kid, and Lucy figures out he also suffers from ringing in the ears. In the present, we find Mr. Porter playing a lovely tune on a violin until the strings break. He runs a bath, and in the next room, of course we find a woman bound and gagged on the bed with all her hair cut off. He apologizes to her before he kills her in the bathtub, but she puts up a hell of a fight. Good girl.

"This gig's almost over? I'll drink to that."
Madsen and cute M.E. are playing pool. Soto interrupts because he’s just figured out Lucy is missing and Hauser took her. (Really? Just now?) Madsen and the ME investigate the crime scene and find a snapped-off fingernail. Later, at the Batcave, while they question whether or not a 63 committed the murder, Madsen tells Hauser that the blood under the fingernail was tainted because of the high level of colloidal silver. So it’s one of theirs. Let the investigation begin!

There’s a cute moment while Beauregard acclimates to chatting with Hauser via webcam. He confides that they’re losing Lucy. The screen turns blue (just like skin does when introduced to high quantities of colloidal silver, not that you’d know that from this show), and in the past, Lucy is chatting with Webb again. She plays him some music to help with his ringing ears. He describes his mother’s attempt to drown him.
The action and tension are palpable.

Back in the present, Porter is playing violin outside another woman’s house. She recognizes him, and initially she seems friendly, but Porter is just so darned creepy she starts backing away. “I like your hair,” he says, and then he lunges. She gasps. It’s a good gasp.

In Bizarro Alcatraz, Beauregard tells Hauser that Webb is a match, although, of course, they still haven’t figured out who their killer is. Porter is busy auditioning for something. It ends when they discover he can’t read music. He decompresses by going home to kill the lady. Which is not a euphemism for something even though it sounds like one.

In the past, Tiller is leading the Alcatraz jazz band, which someone is filming, but that breaks up when Lucy brings Webb in to borrow an instrument. He picks a violin which caterwauls, and Tiller is an ass, but in a few minutes Porter has figured the thing out and is playing beautiful music. Tiller continues to be an ass.

In the present, they’ve found the second body and figured out that the murder is a violinist, so a trip to the Alcatraz music room reveals that Webb Porter is the violinist. Oh, also, remember that guy filming a minute ago in the past? Yeah, Soto just made a point of holding up the film roll. So we’ve not only hung Chekov’s gun on the wall, Soto just pointed at it and announced “there is a gun.” So just wait for that baby to shoot. I’m expecting it in the last 45 seconds or so of the episode.
"This one I learned in prison, it's called The Ballad Of The Rusty Shiv."

In the Batcave, Soto and Madsen are desperately seeking a connection between victims. Hauser goes to chat to some pianist who knows a lot of musicians, and he manages to get a lead. In the same club in 1960, young Hauser is on a date with Lucy. She’s enthusiastic; he flirts ineptly; kissing happens and it is adorable. Yes, finally, thank you.

In the present, our heroes converge on Porter’s home address. They find some violin bows strung with the victims’ hair. They find a single bow with red hair, which tips them off that he has another girl. Sure enough, there she is. A redhead.

In the past, Lucy and Porter chat together. It is clear that they have developed a mutual affection.
In the present, our heroes arrive at the apartment and save the redhead. Porter is playing an elaborate concert to an empty house.
"Ok, here we are. The Bronx Marriott Hotel."

Back in the past, Porter goes back to the general population despite a less than warm reception from the other inmates. Porter whips out his violin and begins playing, which seems to soothe the savage inmates. We scan past other cells and it’s like a “greatest hits” of criminals we’ve already caught. Beauregard tells Lucy that she’s the warden’s new toy, and she doesn’t seem to know how to take that.

Our heroes catch up with Porter, who runs, of course. There’s an exciting chase on the catwalks, and at the end, Porter tries to jump. Hauser catches him from the air because he’s crazy determined. He takes him to Bizarro Alcatraz and shows him Lucy. He explains that they need his help to save her, and Porter sits down and rolls up his sleeve.

Back in the Batcave, Chekov’s gun is shooting. Which is to say, Soto is watching the reels from the music room. Yep, they see Lucy on the film and finally figure out that she’s a 63. In Bizarro Alcatraz, we have the same “greatest hits” gallery listening to Porter play his violin while Beauregard and Hauser watch Porter’s silver laced blood ooze into Lucy. (And she slowly turns blue. No?) In the final second of the episode her eyes pop open. (Sigh. You know, I really feel like they should have picked something more exciting and less freely available than colloidal silver to be their magic drug.)
"I know the show could be better... but locking us up between episodes??"

So, that was better. It answered some of my complaints from last week, and was a much better written episode than most. Still. For what is probably Alcatraz’s penultimate episode, was it enough?

What do you think? We’ll see you next week for the two hour season (and probably series) finale.


  1. It was another bad night rating wise for Alcatraz. Sadly, I think it might be a little late for an infusion of colloidal silver.

    Mr. Ruthie (Hi Sweetie!)


  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCLopR58RCs