Happy Holidays dear friends, The Joker is here with a rewrite of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas! How fun is that!! This comes from our recent Christmas 2016 episode, look for it! Special Thanks to Grant Markham of The Stranger Conversations and 7 Days A Geek podcasts!
Read along!
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout Gotham
the creatures WERE stirring - because we’d all escaped arkham!
We tore through the streets without any care,
We knew that The BatFreak soon would be there;
The Gothamites nestled, all snug in their beds,
Scarecrow’s new toxin, gone straight to their heads
He’d tainted the water they drank from their tap,
A great time for crime! The city was taking a nap—
When out of the blue a shout from Mad Hatter,
I turned and I shouted “Dear Friend, what’s all the matter?”
Away from the bank vault I flew like the flash,
But I did grab my gun, and a bag full of cash.
Hatter was out in the street, in the wind and the snow,
He shielded his eyes from the storm and some oncoming glow;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A crazy black car with a jet engine jammed up its rear,
The driver ejected, how crazy is that?
I knew in a moment it must be The Bat.
Rogues may be rogues but when I called them, they came,
So I whistled, and shouted, and I called them by name:
"Now Clayface, now! Scarecrow, now! Riddler and Penguin,
"On! Harley, on! Two-Face, Go on and get him!”;
"Bring me his organs, bring me them all!
"Yes get him, go get him, or I’ll kill you all!"
I lost track of which way the bat decided to fly,
I didn’t give a damn, I emptied my gun and shot at the sky;
Into a building and up the stairs the bunch of us flew,
Riddler ran past me—and Scarecrow did too:
And then in a twinkling, from ahead on the roof
I heard a punch, a crack, a whack and an “oof!”
As we came out the stairwell and glancing around,
Bats shot my poor Harley with a cable that bound!
He was dress'd all in black, from his head to his boot,
Except for one piece which rendered his stealth moot.;
A belt full of toys was flung ‘round his waist,
It was silly bright yellow did he get dressed in a haste?
His eyes—how they squinted! His scowl: not merry,
Had he no gifts for us? Oh- ho, quite the contrary;
He delivered his boot like a gift with a bow,
And The Penguin went down, face first in the snow;
The Bat spun, and snarled, showing his teeth,
This was a good time: I pulled my knife from it’s sheath.
He took down Two-face, with a double punch to the belly
He used some Bat-Tazer and turned poor Clayface to jelly:
He growled something, that now it was just me and himself,
And I laugh'd when I heard that in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
One of his smoke bombs then filled me with dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Hidden in smoke, he beat me bad, ooo what a jerk,
And laying his Bat-fist across my beautiful nose
That’s the point when he won I suppose...
He bound me up tight, and to his car gave a whistle,
To the street The Bat flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard his gruff whisper, before he drove out of sight—
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
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