WTF Party, 2nd Assistant Intern/Gopher
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| Notsocrazy is allergic to Twizzlers and photos |
SHADENFIELD, OHIO-
Two days ago, what was just another asbestos filled, abandoned mental hospital has now become campaign headquarters for the Wicked Theory Faction. The man at the front of the gymnasium has been talking for twenty-five minutes and everyone in the entire room is rapt. The four men and three women listen intently. Is it his charisma? Is it his hint of mustache? Maybe their expressions are simply a reaction to his current topic, a wicked theory in itself - using solar power fix the ozone layer.
The country as a whole has been wondering about this man and the one thing people keep coming back to, is his name. NotSoCrazy. So, after he autographs a baby’s belly, thrusts his hands into the air with mighty "Devil Horns" and then reads out the raffle numbers, we asked him about his name and some other things at the front of voters’ minds.
MWG: So, your name. Is that tribal? Iroquois perhaps? Are we spelling it correctly?
NSC: There has been some confusion indeed. It is actually turquoise, at least on the belt buckle I have which I bought at a Tribe Called Quest show.
MWG: Okay... Can I call you Not?
NSC: Absolutely Not. Call me Crazy.
MWG: The bio you've provided the public is only two sentences long. Would you care to fill us in on your background?
NSC: It all started in a faraway land. The dew had gathered on the grass in Molasses Swamp that particularly cool morning as the sun crested over the mountains in Candyland...
MGW: Let’s come back to that one.
MWG: The party you represent has yet to make its own voice clearly known. What little we can find out about it is only that it's based in the Cayman Islands….
NSC: Like many good opportunities, WTF is not currently available in the lower 48 states. We are working on that along with our 90 Day Guarantee. If you don’t like our policies, you can return them in the Self Addressed Stamped Envelope, BUT - keep our campaign stickers as a gift to you.
MWG: Your platform has some unorthodox ideas within it. Tackling some very... unconsidered issues. What do you say to those that say you're making this up as you go along?
NSC: How dare people say we discriminate. Our party supports the real issues that affect us all whether you’re unorthodox, Greek Orthodox, or snorting Clorox. Politics as we know it today is so short sighted that it cannot see the answers. Anyone with any common sense knows if you turn the puzzle upside down the solution is right after the "ANSWER:" label. Heck, some people can even read it upside down when they’re doing the puzzle; those are the people we need in office now.
MWG: Your call to move modern war, quite literally, into the digital age by moving it to Modern Warfare 3 is interesting but leaves a few nagging questions. What happens when the servers crash? What if countries use different platforms - say, China on X-Box and America on PS3 - what then? And will there be special XP points?
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| Our candidate demonstrates a "Hadouken".... or "Jazz Hands" |
MWG: Tell us about you're running mate. We think he may have Warrants. Is he good for our country?
NSC: I think BillBlogins is ready to step into any challenge this country has to throw at him, especially if I am committed again. I personally watched him play five games of Risk, and the three he lost I, think the chimpanzee was taking extra province cards.
MWG: Is it true you once saved a kitten?
NSC: I really can’t comment on that at this time... Suffice to say, the story has been twisted by the sensationalists... Well, that and, yes, the three ladies who played Catwoman in the original Adam West Batman series were involved. Everyone agreed. We were all adults. No one told me those whips would leave marks. But like I said. Can't comment.
MWG: Recently, Sean Hannity, was asked about you and he said "I don't get it." Response?
NSC: He doesn’t get it? That is absolute nonsense. Yeah man, you had a great run as James Bond. Hell, I even put you in my top three. There is nothing to get. You’re too old. You are just bitter over the new release of Golden Eye with improved graphics.
MWG: Sasquatch. Real or really fake?
NSC: As real as the humps on a camel. The Sasquatchi are a misunderstood people. They have dealt for years with a government that has chosen to alienate them along with, well, the aliens among us. The Wicked Theory Faction supports policies which bring us all together. Get the Sasquatchi back into our communities. Let them know there are services to get them working again. I have personally checked and there is no fine print prohibiting them from an $11 hair cut at Great Clips. There is no extra surcharge at the Golden Coral saying Sasquatchi pay extra. Opportunities are out there for them. They might encounter some extra challenges if they need the services of Bosley Hair replacement, but I already have Bill working on the draft of that bill. Bill is good at bills, that’s why I chose him. Bill is good at drafts. He particularly enjoys drafts a lot because he always tells me he is enjoying a draft when I contact him.
MWG: Lastly, what's the heart of your message? What do you really want people to know about you come November 2012?
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| Just to show his versatility NSC did a coin trick... then inverted the universe. |
That was all the time our candidate had, as has was whisked away for an emergency meeting at The Lucky Snake All-Nite Cabaret and Buffet. It's an impromptu All-Nite brainstorming session covering many topics including the upcoming Campaign Trail Itinerary. So look for that very soon and this Friday check back here for the BillBlogins WTF Interview.
Read the BillBlogins interview here.
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